Ceiling Fan Creaking
May 8, 2010
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Posted by admin
Here is something I wrote. Should I be a writer?
I am fourteen and am wondering if anyone would read my books. So, here it goes.
The humming from above me buzzed in my ear, whispering “Finish it, finish it.” I could hear everything. The creak of the hallway outside my door was a tree falling in the woods. The bark of a lone dog outside was a lion roaring right next to my ear. “Finish it, finish it.”
“No.” I mumbled, hands pressed against my mouth. The light outside was growing smaller by the minute. Night was approaching. The humming grew louder. My stomach screamed at me. “No! Never!”
I flung the unfinished donut at the ceiling fan above me. Since my mom kept the house a hundred degrees, I had turned my fan on maximum overdrive. My gray bedspread was sprinkled with donut carnage. “Stupid diet plan.” I said to no one.
I’ll start by saying that I like your ideas; it is a good start which could easily develop into an interesting story. I like how you convey all of the feelings and senses of the character out.
Then again, I don’t want to be mean or anything, but this passage seems to me like a bunch of meaningless basic literary devices crammed together.
But hey, you are fourteen and this type of passion for writing is excellent and I am really sure that this could lead to something big. Your vocabuulary is yet to develop and so is your ability to express ideas. So keep at it. Good job!
BECAUSE THEY ALL LOVE YOU – ALTON ELLIOTT & ROBERT PERKINS
Categories: Fans And Home Accessories
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Tags: ceiling fan creaking
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